Blackmailing the Stepbrother
by MinervaEvenstar
Summary: 'Kurt insisted on coming. He's been blackmailing me ever since he found my browser history.' Moments of comedic step-brotherly-love between Finn and Kurt in Season 2.


**Author:** MinervaEvenstar

 **Summary:** 'Kurt insisted on coming. He's been blackmailing me ever since he found my browser history.' Moments of comedic step-brotherly-love between Finn and Kurt in Season 2.

 **Rating:** Teen

 **Genres:** Family, comedy, fluff

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Glee_ and, as far as I know, I am making no money off of this fan fiction. However, if I turn out to be mistaken, feel free to nail my lawn furniture to my roof as retribution.

 **Inspiration:** In the episode "Blame it on the Alcohol." Finn tells Rachel at her party, "Kurt insisted on coming. He's been blackmailing me ever since he found my browser history."

Kurt also mentions bringing Finn "delicious" warm milk "every night in hopes of inspiring a lady chat" in the episode "Sue Sylvester Shuffle."

 **Blackmailing the Stepbrother**

"Finn!" Kurt sang out, knocking on his stepbrother's bedroom door. "I brought you some warm milk."

"Not tonight, Kurt," came the subdued response through the wood.

When the shorter boy had first brought him a mug of the heated liquid upon the Hudson-Hummels moving into their new house as a combined family after their parents' wedding, Finn confusedly said, "Um, we aren't cats," and Kurt pompously retorted, "Cats can't drink the same milk humans can. Besides, it tastes delicious, and it'll help you fall asleep. You have to trust me on this." Finn had and, to his surprise, discovered Kurt was correct as usual. When Finn was dating Rachel, a Vegan, the Hummel-Hudson bought almond milk too, and Finn found _that_ tasted even better warmed up than regular milk did. Unfortunately, Finn had needed to make the difficult choice to dump Rachel for cheating on him with Puck (Granted, Rachel had only kissed Finn's best friend; not gone as far as having sex with him, like his first girlfriend Quinn, but the sad truth remained that Finn couldn't be with someone he didn't fully trust.), thus there was no almond-y goodness in the house.

"But it's allll-mond miiiilk," the countertenor sang temptingly. Was Kurt psychic? "With honeyyy in it." No, he wasn't psychic; he was an evil seducer. Honestly, Kurt KNEW Finn would never be able to resist that. The boy had a knack for remember people's beverage preferences. Finn was a bit ashamed that he had no idea how Kurt liked his own nightly milk, or anything else for that matter. Kurt deserved to have someone in his life who could remember his drink order and Finn hoped he got that someday.

"All right, come in," Finn groaned in defeat, opening the door.

Kurt almost skipped into the room with happiness, though not quite, as he did not wish to spill the carefully prepared liquids. "Here you go." He handed Finn a large mug, keeping a petite teacup for himself.

"Thanks." Finn held the mug with both hands for a moment, allowing it to warm his fingers, then brought it to his mouth to take a deep gulp. It was the perfect sweetness at Finn's ideal lukewarm temperature. "You're a master at these, dude."

Kurt preened. "It comes from years of practice." He perched at the edge of Finn's unmade bed with his legs neatly crossed and held his own receptacle by the handle with his pinky sticking out. "How was your day, oh darling stepbrother of mine?" He took a dainty sip of his own milk, which was probably much hotter than Finn's judging by the steam coming off of it. The consistency appeared thinner too. Non-fat, sugar-free milk maybe? Finn considered asking, but knew it was pointless because he would never remember.

"Fine, I guess."

"That's it? That's all you're going to give me?" Kurt emitted a put-upon sigh and sat up straighter. "Allow me to demonstrate a proper sharing: Today, I aced that French test I've been studying for, Trent got detention for a whole week for bringing in hentai – From what I understand, hentai is some sort of anatomically-incorrect, animated version of heterosexual pornography. – and Blaine-" His huge eyes took on a starry quality as the name passed his lips "-helped me carry books from the Dalton library all the way to my Navigator."

"Cool." Finn finished the rest of his beverage with a second swallow. "You like Blaine, right? I mean, in the boyfriend sorta way?" Sometimes, particularly with a romantically-entangled Glee club in his life, Finn had difficulty keeping track of who had crushes on whom.

" _Duh_." Kurt needlessly adjusted a strand of his perfect hairdo. "Where have you been?"

"And, unlike the other guys you've liked, Blaine is actually gay, isn't he?"

Kurt took another small sip before sniffing delicately. "Thank you for bringing up my humiliating rejections." That was sarcasm; Finn was almost sure of it. "And, yes, the love interest in the dramatic plotline of Kurt Hummel's life is actually gay this time."

"You should ask him out, then. I bet he'll totally say 'yes.'"

"Why? Because we're both gay?" Kurt rolled eyes. "Finn, that's like me suggesting you go out with Tina just because you're both straight."

"No, he'll say 'yes' because you're awesome." The quarterback was being sincere.

Kurt must have sensed it since he smiled bashfully and muttered, "Thanks." Clearing his throat, he returned to business. "So you really have nothing more to tell me about your day?"

Finn did not want to burden Kurt with the issues going on at football practice since the paler male had left McKinley to escape some of the bullying players on the team, and Finn was fairly certain he was forbidden to discuss Glee matters with 'the competition.' Kurt looked so hopeful, though, that Finn didn't want to disappoint him. "Well, we've got a new project in science class and the teacher assigned Brittany as my partner." Kurt cringed sympathetically. "Maybe you could help me with it after school tomorrow since you're better at schoolwork and stuff?"

"I'd love to!" Kurt's beam reminded Finn of Christmas trees and he couldn't resist returning it.

"Sweet, thanks." After a few more seconds of smiling, he said awkwardly, "So, would it be rude to kick you out so I can go to sleep now, or…"

Kurt rolled his eyes, fondly exasperated, and took Finn's empty mug. "Good night, Finn."

"Night, man," replied Finn with a yawn as Kurt closed the bedroom door behind him.

The next evening when Finn arrived home from a hectic football practice, he walked in on a disaster in the living room. Kurt had Finn's portable computer open on the coffee table and his eyes somehow appeared more massive than normal. Dread pooled in Finn's stomach.

"Dude, what are you doing with my laptop?"

Instead of answering, Kurt's hand covered his mouth and he squealed to himself in terrified awe, "Oh, my god, I can't believe this!"

"What the hell?" Finn demanded, louder this time, dropping his backpack onto the floor. He finally captured Kurt's attention.

"You said you wanted me to help with your science project. I thought I would open a search engine so we could do research, and start a slide show for your presentation. These webpages came up to 'restore your last session' when I opened the browser." Kurt gestured to the screen, looking scandalized.

Finn glanced over and saw what he feared would be there. A website which sold clothing for men to wear during sex. It was not limited to lingerie, but included furry tails and tentacle gloves. Rambling ensued. "Look, it isn't what you think. I was curious about that hentai thing you mentioned, so I looked it up, but some of it was really weird, and I had to see if people actually did that kinda stuff in, you know, real life. I guess they do, which is okay 'cause that's their business, but I don't really want to, like, do that."

Kurt raised his brows doubtfully. "Are you sure? Because there are some items to be purchased in your cart."

Finn's hands went to his short hair in frustration. On most days, the athlete deemed acquiring Kurt as a stepsibling to be the greatest part of Burt and Carole's marriage (other than his mother's joy, of course). However, there were occasions, including now, when he missed being an only child.

"Look, please, don't tell anyone about this." He knew he sounded pathetic and added puppy eyes for good measure in hopes of swaying the stylist into pitying him.

Finn should have known Kurt better by now. The countertenor leaned back against the couch and folded his arms across his chest with that calculating expression on his face, the one that demonstrated – despite having a high moral code and responsible, forgiving nature that inspired those who knew him – Kurt had a selfish, manipulative streak. Sam once described it to Finn as "Slytherin," whatever that was.

"These are my terms."

"What?" gawked Finn.

"In return for my silence, you will do the dishes on Fridays."

That didn't sound horrible. Finn must be missing something. "Why Fridays?"

"Because," Kurt explained slowly as if Finn were mentally dim, "that's when we eat as a family, and four people combined makes the most dishes."

"Oh, yeah." That made sense, though it still didn't strike Finn as obscene. "Okay, it's a deal."

"You don't get off that easily. There's more." Kurt adjusted his scarf to a new angle that didn't look any different to Finn than the previous. He always changed out of his Dalton uniform as soon as he got home from the academy.

Finn groaned and threw himself onto the sofa, leaving one open seat between him and the conniving mastermind. "What else do you want, Kurt?"

"Everything from an Elizabeth Taylor auction," he replied promptly. The drummer had no idea who that was, ergo it was lucky Kurt continued, "But I know you can't help me with that, so...I am willing to settle for an invitation to Rachel's party."

"How do you know about that?" Again, Finn wondered if Kurt had psychic abilities.

"Mercedes texted me. She's filled with trepidation." He sighed in a way that was somehow simultaneously superior and sympathetic. "As her friend, it's my duty to save her."

Frowning, the quarterback stated, "Wow, that sucks. I think our old coach, Tanaka, had trepidation once. I hope Mercedes feels better soon. Should you really be helping her, though? I mean, I wouldn't want you to catch it if she's contagious."

Kurt was staring at Finn as if mystified that such a person existed. It reminded Finn of the way he looked at Kurt himself when the countertenor debated aloud in French over which pair of seemingly identical shoes to wear with an outfit. "That's why she was given extra doses of sass, Finn." He used the same tone as when he'd remarked that the birds at their parents' wedding would be fed glitter; Finn _thought_ Kurt was joking, but couldn't be certain. To be safe, he changed his question.

"Why don't you just ask Rachel for an invitation? She likes you in her Rachel Berry way." He tried not to think about Rachel too deeply; the wound was still fresh.

"I know, but she also thinks of me as 'competition' right now, and might not want me around a New Directions gathering, especially since I want to bring Blaine."

"Woah, wait." Finn held up a hand. "You want to bring Blaine? Everyone will accept YOU there - even if Rachel complains a little at first - because you're still one of us, but Blaine? We all like him and everything, but…"

"Oh, please, Finn." Kurt clasped his hands together earnestly and made a much more successful pleading visage than Finn had. "I'm _dying_ to see Blaine out of the uniform."

"Uh." Fidgeting uncomfortably, Finn queried, "Shouldn't you guys be, um, alone for that?"

Kurt's jaw dropped and his cheeks colored to cause him to resemble the Hummel figurines with which he shared a name. "I meant in street clothes so I can see what his style is like. I need to know if our wardrobes would be compatible in case we ever do get together, or if I'd need to help him find a way dress like the heart-stopping gentleman he is. I didn't mean – God, Finn, is that all teenager guys ever think about?" Finn knew Kurt well enough to recognize the disdain in his voice was a defense mechanism to conceal nerves.

He shrugged and tried to reassure his gentle stepbrother. "No, we think about food a lot, too."

Kurt covered his face with his hands before unnecessarily straightening his clothes to pull himself together. "Whatever, I need to go to this party with Blaine. For research purposes. If you can't get us a formal invitation since you and Rachel aren't on the best terms, then just bring us with you. No one will cause a scene if we simply show up."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know-"

Immediately, Kurt warned, "If you don't, I'll tell everyone what I found. Which do you think will be the worst: Your mom's appalled concern, Quinn and Rachel's judgement, or Puck's relentless teasing?"

"Kurt, this is blackmail," he exclaimed as realization dawned completely.

"Yes," Kurt agreed, not seeing the problem.

"It's not fair! If you keep blackmailing me, then I'll havta get something on you to even the playing field, and it'll be a terrible cycle."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Good luck with that."

"I'll…" He thought desperately in the way that made his head hurt like it did during a difficult exam. "I'll tell Blaine you're interested in him!"

Kurt tilted his chin up in haughty challenge. "Since we've apparently regressed to an elementary school level, you should know I already told him on Valentine's Day that I LIKE-him like-him instead of just like him."

"You have?" Finn was honestly surprised since Kurt tended to flirt coyly rather than be direct. "Good for you! How did it go?" The two Warblers were still close, hence it couldn't have gone BADLY.

"He said he isn't ready for a romantic relationship and just wants to be friends." Kurt waved his hand in dismissal. "That just means I've got to try harder to impress him. I can't do that unless I have opportunities to be with him outside of Warbler practice and the Lima Bean." He gave Finn a pointed look.

Finn nodded, willing to concede defeat for the sake of a noble cause. "Okay, you both can come with us."

"Yes!" Kurt might have been a schemer, but his sweet smile was infectious as usual.

Once Kurt and Blaine finally became a couple, Finn was able to acquire plenty of material for retaliation blackmail even though he really, REALLY would have preferred to live without the knowledge of what Kurt did with his boyfriend in the next bedroom.


End file.
